HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2010!

Here's Mom's cat Calvin, also known as Cal-ween—but whom we usually just call Ween. Whenever October 31 rolls around, Mom, Pixie, and I get all excited: "Ween, it's your holiday! It's Hallo-WEEN, Ween, a holiday named after you!" Ween just squints and makes biscuits with her declawed little front feet.

Mom's remake of the pink satin Marilyn Monroe gown was a success! It was a big hit at the party, and I'll post pictures after I upload them to the computer tomorrow, after I'm done with Halloween pictures. Tonight, Mom and I are having our customary Halloween bonfire; she and Steve have been piling up brush since back in the spring so we could have our usual Samhain blaze. We'll roast hot dogs and marshmallows, and tell family ghost stories...some silly, and some true.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Waiting on a train

I used to hate waiting at railroad crossings. But then it occurred to me that since there wasn't anything I could do about that wait for the red-and-white blinking arms to point back toward the sky, I'd might as well take the few minutes of stillness and enjoy them. So I listen to the rumble of the wheels, their weight on slick, hot steel, the squeal and whine of the brakes. Each car's markings tell a story: what year it was put into service, what year the brakes were last changed, how its handlers should feed and bathe it, which graffiti artists have adorned its sides with their aerosol masterpieces.

A couple months ago, I got a huge laugh out of one expertly spray-painted graffiti tag. It read, in very stylized letters that jumped out from the sides of a grain-hopper car—CONRAIL TWITTY.

Friday Kittehs: 10/29/10

Sweet little mostly-Siamese Emmylou eats her breakfast on the porch—one little cream-dipped paw and all. She's longtime reader Wide Lawns' favorite HKC kitteh. Today's kitteh picture/post is in honor of the esteemed Ms. Lawns, who's going to give birth to a little girl any day now. We love you, WL!

A portrait of elegance

This weekend finds me attending a Halloween costume party—it's been years since I dressed up for All Hallows' Eve, so this should be a lot of fun.

My costume is very sharp, and naturally a Mom creation: Marilyn Monroe in the legendary Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend number from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. The pink satin replica dress is one that Mom sewed for my Jaguar Lounge showcase a lifetime ago. Luckily, she still had two yards of the original fabric left over, so she's making a couple of alterations—namely, adding nearly 24 inches to the butt-cheek-length hem—so it'll be perfectly G-rated for the general public.

But right now, I thought I'd show you this gorgeous and inexpensive rhinestone necklace I found on eBay. I feel like a movie star just wearing it with this everyday dress! And while diamonds might be a girl's best friend, these Austrian crystals and I are in fact very, very good pals.

I love stormy weather

Strange, but true: I really do love rainy, stormy weather—and it looks as if I'll be delighted with today's weather here in Small Town!

While fall often marks the beginning of "rainy season" in this part of Georgia, this fall has been rather dry. The gardenia that I rooted from a tiny little cutting a few years ago has been pitiful in the semi-drought; my favorite large purple azalea, which I planted when I moved in here 11 years ago, is drought-weakened to the point that I'm wondering whether it will live to bloom in the spring. But the drenching rains of the last couple of days have relieved my worries a bit.

Sunny days are great, but to me they get boring after a while. When I was a kid, I truly hated sunny days—you know the kind, with the Technicolor bright blue sky and huge, fluffy white cumulus clouds. "Dick & Jane days," I called them; if the weather was so cartoonishly nice, I reckoned, there seemed to be an unspoken, unrealistic expectation that everyone should be happeeeeee! and plaster on a big, fake smile as if everything was just peachy-keen. (My dad got a real kick out of the idea of "Dick & Jane days," and used my phrase from then on to describe sunny weather that was almost too perfect.) Cloudy and rainy days, to me, were just more realistic—and how could anyone be sad on a day where rain falls and nourishes the earth and plants and trees? And with stormy weather, there's the exciting possibility that the meteorological shit is about to hit the fan.

What kind of weather is brewing where you live today? Share it with us in the Comments section.

Chicken Monday: 10/25/10

It's raining very heavily (yesssss!) today in Small Town, so I haven't gotten out and taken any more interesting or silly new chicken pictures. But these are from mid-September, and are still pretty good.

In the second one, Leroy is thinking about pecking my boot. He usually does so until he realizes I have treats in my hand—oats, steamed brown rice, sunflower seeds, leftover cornbread, and so on.

EPIC APPLIANCE WIN from the Colonel

After many months of hauling my dirty clothes either to the laundromat or to Mom's, the Colonel treated me to an early birthday present: a new LG washing machine! (The shiny Kenmore water heater you see there on the left is his gift from a few months ago.) He's a helpful and sweet fella, that Colonel! Now, if I can just get the laundry closet and kitchen as shiny and clean as the washer...

And yes, many dirty jokes were made about how many [ahem] favors a gorgeous new state-of-the-art washing machine was worth. Which I said didn't really count, since I was planning on [ahem] performing those [ahem] favors, anyway.

Friday Kittehs: 10/22/10

The purple chenille bathrobe makes yet another Friday Kittehs™ appearance, but this time with an E&P favorite, Mooakura. As Waylon Jennings would say, Moo is "Lonesome, On'ry, & Mean." Well, skip that "lonesome" part. Maybe our legendarily bitchy Moo would just be "On'ry, On'ry, and Mean."

A picnic with the Colonel

After lunch—a nice breeze blows in from Small Town Lake. At the picnic grounds, the Colonel has just finished his rendition of David Allan Coe's "Long-Haired Redneck."

COLONEL: [strumming gently] What should I play next?
ME: Ummm...how about Grandpa Was A Carpenter?
COLONEL: [immediately sings and plays]
Grandpa was a carpenter
He built houses, stores, and banks
Chain-smoked Camel cigarettes
And hammered nails in planks
He was level on the level
Shaved each and every door
And voted for Eisenhower
'Cause Lincoln won the war—
[leaves off abruptly]
Shit, I can't remember anything but the chorus. [strumming a chord]
ME: How about Christmas in Prison?
COL: Nah...
ME: Hmmm. Paradise?
COL: Nah. [strumming]
ME: Okay, I wanna hear You Never Even Called Me by My Name.
COL: What do I look like, a goddamn jukebox?!? Put in a quarter, press the button for your song?
ME: Turn around, I'll put the quarter up your ass.

[A few minutes later]

COL: I need some new strings, and probably need to replace all the tuning heads, too.
ME: You could probably get it done at [local guitar shop].
COL: Shit, I went in there the other day, and the guy acted like he didn't want the work—but he sure wanted to sell me a brand-new Taylor.
ME: Did you want to buy it?
COL: Who the hell wouldn't? Sounded soooo good when I played it. But then I thought, "This is a $1300 guitar. All I need is strings and tuning heads for the one I've got."
ME: So how old is this one? [nods toward guitar]
COL: Bought it when I was stationed in Korea, so...
ME: So that was...1978? Or '79?
COL: [thinks for a moment] 1980. It was brand-new when I bought it in 1980. [long pause, then suddenly brightens] Ah-HA! Here's your song!

[He sings and plays]
I got a girlfriend, seven years older than my guitar
But that's okay, she still makes my dick hard
We're doin' it, right in the middle of her back yard
I got a girlfriend, seven years older than my guitar...

Chicken Monday: 10/18/10

Here are some photos from Labor Day Weekend—in fact, from Labor Day itself, the day Bella came to live with Lucky, the chickens, the kittehs, and me. So far, so good on the rooster-having-to-kick-canine-butt front. Each species stays on its respective side of the fence, and each knows its part in the game. [crossing fingers]

Chuck Norris really IS everywhere!

On my way to the grocery store, I spotted this hilarious explanation for a fender-bender. Boo-Boo the Wonder Truck needs one, too!

Friday Kittehs: 10/15/10

Even though she's purring up a nor'easter, Kamakura looks very disappointed. Could it be the purple chenille bathrobe?

More of Mom's wisdom

Some E&P readers have been asking when my semi-benevolent and sage Mom will again grace the front page of this blog. While another Ask Mom™ post might be a couple weeks in the offing, make sure to click on over to my sister's blog to read her hilarious post about shopping with Mom in Denver's Cherry Creek neighborhood. It's awesome.

The Colonel goes to Home Depot

COLONEL: This the one you were talking about? ME: Yeah. COL: Hmm. "Tuff Shed." ME: Cute name! COL: A lot better than "Tuff Shit."

Kittehs as croissants?!?

Well, now that I think about it...



Thanks to I Can Has Cheezburger, of course, for the video.

Doggie Monday?

Today's Chicken Monday has been preempted by Doggie Monday...because little Bella here is getting fixed today. "But Mama! I'm not even broken!"

Kitty breakfast on the front porch

Now that Kamakura has finished her breakfast, she's ready for her close-up. After I snapped this photo, she jumped into my lap and purred profusely. In the background is Smokey's back half.

Def Leppard was wrong.

Because, in fact, it is actually NOT better to burn out than fade away.

I've talked before about burnout, how I'm feeling burned out, how burnout can't be very far off, blah blah blah. But until recently, I didn't really know what burnout was.

So now I know. And boy, is it ever a wake-up call.

Teaching has finally worn me out. I can say this with certainty. I'm very passionate about what I do for a living, but it's time for a break so I can get some distance on how, what, and why I teach. My position at Division II University is being converted into a tenure-track line (read: only PhD's need apply) after this academic year, which means that I won't be able to reapply. At first I was upset about it, but now I realize that this is an opportunity for me to branch out and try something new. Oh yeah, and perhaps make some more money while I'm at it.

I began my teaching career in September 1997 and taught until May 2000, when I resigned from a part-time gig at a local vo-tech school. I recall having told my then-therapist that I hated teaching and would never do it again, even if my life depended on it. Now that I look back, though, I realize that I did like teaching back then but was just so worn out (and young, and inexperienced) that I needed to do something else for a while. When I hired on at Tiny Technical College in October 2002 as an online instructor, I was edging back toward the teaching life; working part-time at several other colleges helped convince me that I really was good at this and could make a difference in students' lives. I taught part-time at D2U for three years before winning a full-time, renewable position there in the fall of 2007. And now? It's time for another break, before I start screaming and throwing things whenever a student knocks on my office door.

And another thing: That novel I've been working on for nearly three years? It will never see the light of day as long as I have a creative-type job where I have to give a performance (however low-key) every hour, on the hour. So it behooves me to walk on another path for a while—though I do love teaching and will come back to it eventually.

These days find me giving students my professional best (but not my "Kitty best," which is 130% of most people's "professional best") while reworking my resume and following a few good leads. In order to stay sane, I'm trying to spend a lot of time outdoors, or playing with/caring for critters, or working on various projects around the house, or spending time with my loved ones. It helps a lot.

Don't worry—E&P isn't going anywhere. It's just taking a different direction for a while.

Happy birthday, Daddy

Today would have been my father's 64th birthday. Happy birthday, Daddy. I love and miss you very much.

Chicken Monday: 10/4/10

Leroy glares at the camera from a corner of the chicken house.

EPIC disappointment

I'm not sure why Squirrel (aka Martha Ann) looks so disappointed this morning—but let's face it, she looks this way every morning. And afternoon. And evening. And night.

It must be difficult being Squirrel; everyone and everything are always letting you down in one way or another. (deep kitteh sigh)

Friday Kittehs: 10/1/10

Clark loves to drink from the bathroom faucet. He usually leaps onto the counter and meows at me until I get the hint and turn on the water so he can lap up the steady [dripdripdrip] before he snuggles up in the sink bowl.