Give up soda? At this price, yes.

Hobbes: 1995-2010

Cat-wise, this has been a very difficult summer at Educated & Poor. Mom's beloved Hobbes—also known as Hobby, Hobbit, Squobbit, Orange Bowling Ball, and Hobby-Lobby—passed away on Monday, July 26, 2010. She was 15 years old and had been in declining health for some time. In this photo, she balances precariously on the arm of El Seebeno's recliner, taking a break from lapping up homemade peach ice cream.

Student Essay Insanity™ #69!

Picture from Engrish Funny


The Regents' Exam has come and gone for another semester, but I still have a treasure trove [sic] of bloopers to share with you. Some of them I included simply because they were funny; the rest are the usual OMGWTFBBQBACONDIDTHEYPLANTHISESSAYATALL material you're used to finding in each new installment of Student Essay Insanity™.

As always, these bloopers are from real essays that were written by (my) real (Regents' Essay Prep Course) students, all of whom are native speakers of English.

I shit you not.

**********

If your doctor told you that you had only a few months to live, how would you alter your way of life? Discuss.
Life is a strange event that we are all blessed with.

What do people reveal by the way they drive? Discuss.
It is safe to say that many people are in vehicles driving at all times. We show our inpatients many times while driving.

How do you expect your college education to affect the rest of your life?
I will soon be working in the fill of my degree.

If you had to choose between a job that you loved that paid $25,000 a year and a job that you hated that paid $50,000 a year, which job would you take? Explain why.
Another thing is time would go buy faster at a job you love.

What advice would you give to an entering college freshman? Discuss.
Expect the unexpect.

Why wait until 2012?

When the apocalypse is ALREADY HERE?!?


Your eyes do NOT deceive you. This week's Pattern of the Week at McCall's Patterns is M6173, Misses'/Miss Petite Pants and Leggings. Click the link to view this fashion travesty for yourself. I can hear my students now: "Praise the Lord and pass the Lycra! We loooove the '80s!"

The Mayans had it all wrong—LEGGINGS are the true herald of Armageddon. And now that a major pattern company has gone to the trouble to publish a pattern for the most dated and tackiest of all clothing trends...well, if that's not irrefutable proof of the earth's imminent demise, I'm not sure what is.

Graya: 1996-2010

Graya, also known as "the HKC's Grande Dame" and "Oldest-Bestest Kitteh," passed away at 11:04am on Friday, July 16, 2010, after a brief illness. She was her Mama's faithful companion through 14 years and too many changes to count. When the situation was most dire, she was always there with a steady purr and a reassuring lick-lick-lick on the hand, as if to say, "It's okay, Mama. I love you." Sweet Graya, my elegant, gray velvet semiformal-afternoon-wedding-tuxedoed girl—I miss you so much. One day, we will see each other again at the edge of the Rainbow Bridge. Until then, remember that I love you with all my heart, and that I am very, very grateful that you were my kitty.

At the sewing machine with Mom

ME: Now that my students just loooove all these '80s fashions, I know how you must've felt back when we were in high school, wearing the '60s and '70s bell-bottoms and hippie dresses.
MOM: Yep. Fashion's just one big cycle.
ME: Last semester, this one girl came to class wearing one of those off-the-shoulder Flashdance shirts. I told her, "1983 called. It wants its shirt back."
MOM: Good God.
ME: And a bunch of my summer students are wearing those big tacky plastic earrings—hoops, geometric shapes, stars. I asked them the other day, "Do Jem & the Holograms know you have their earrings? 'It's showtime, Synergy!'"
MOM: Hahahahaa!
ME: The students think it's funny, though. [holds up pattern] Speaking of funny, why doesn't this pattern include instructions for a little pillbox hat to go with these Jackie Kennedy dresses?
MOM: [deep sigh]
ME: No, for real! It would be so cool to be able to make a classy little pillbox hat to match each different dress you make from this pattern.
MOM: Whatever.
ME: C'mon, Mom. Where's your sense of adventure?
MOM: [slowly] In the '60s.

You get what you pay for

Outside a local pub/hot wings shack/BBQ joint that also offers Notary Public services. Seems this place is another casualty of the recession, though with signs like this, I can't figure out why.

The Invisible Gorilla

Also known as "The Monkey Business Illusion." I love showing this to my students.

Hobo Kitty's dirty mouth

Hobo will be having surgery today to remove several teeth; this is probably why her breath has been stinky for so long. She should be back home late this evening. No matter, though...she still yowled like crazy in the carrier on the way to the vet. UPDATED at 9:07pm: Hobo's surgery went very well—although the very first thing Dr. Bill said to me, when he walked into the exam room with Hobo in his arms, was, "This cat's got one nasty mouth." After removing all her upper molars, Dr. Bill laser-ablated some of the infected tissue leading down her throat. Hopefully, that tissue was just a result of the severe gum disease and not an early sign of squamous-cell carcinoma. Keep your paws crossed.

Chicken Monday: 7/12/10

At three weeks old, the Peeps have already established a serious love of leftover cornbread. And they've nearly tripled in size!

The Peeps are doing just fine!

Woolywoman was right: baby chickens don't so much grow as inflate. Here, the Peeps enjoy a July 4th treat with their Mama.

On the bumper?

Hell, what about on my office door?!?

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY 2010!

Not much going on here at the Happy Kitten Cottage this holiday weekend, which is a good thing. Mom and Steve grilled hamburgers last night, so I spent most of the evening at their house out in the country. You want a gourmet hamburger? An El Seebeno Burger is just the ticket. Sharpen your #2 pencil, Red Robin, 'cause you're about to get schooled.

In amazing weather news: Weather.com says it's currently 60 degrees in Small Town. Really! And it's true, too. I just stepped onto the front porch to feed the outdoor kittehs, and it really is 60 degrees out...nice! If that isn't a record low temperature for July 4th in Small Town, Georgia, then it's close. What I want to know is: Where the hell has this nice, cool morning weather been for the last six weeks?!?

Hope everyone's having a fun, safe, and restful July 4th weekend. And to all the veterans out there: thank you for serving!

Another update on the peeps!

Today's Friday Kittehs™ has been preempted by a PeepWatch update. Henrietta and her two babies are doing pretty well; the chicks are growing so fast. They've more than doubled in size since they hatched 12 days ago.



Naturally, more cute videos and some still pictures will follow this post. Stay tuned!