Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Eve 2008—and my sister goes home

At long last, it's December 31st, and 2008 is just about over—thank God. I thought it'd never get here. My wish for all of you is that 2009 brings you happiness, peace, and good fortune.

My sister has been here for a week and goes home this afternoon. We've had a ton of fun, and she even cleaned my wreck of a kitchen (with help from Mom). As always, I will miss her tons.


As will rumpled little Joy, who wuvs her Aunt Pixie. Here, she snuggles in her favorite lap and purrs up a storm. Note the new Christmas jammies, made for Pixie by Mom.

Tomorrow: our annual HKC Kittehs' Mew Year's Resolutions. Hope you all have a safe and fun New Year's Eve!

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Myrtle Mae Monday: 12/29/08

I took these pictures in mid-August 2008. Davey had just begun going outside during the day, and Myrtle was very unimpressed with my beautiful-yet-evil Pissing Bandit.


La-la-la-laaaaa, minding my own business. Hi, little kitteh!



Brrrrrrk...I sense a new presence—a disturbance in the Force.



A cross-eyed, growling kitteh. How interesting.



Blow it out your ear, cat.



Me, afraid of a fat, cross-eyed kitteh? Ha!

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Saturday, December 27, 2008

Here's your Christmas kitteo.

I double-dog-dared Mom to crochet a kitteh hat for Christmas. And I didn't think she'd do it—until the other day.



Orson purred the entire time I was taking pictures. And yes, this hat made it onto other kittehs' heads, too. For about three seconds. It's all on film, too.

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Friday, December 26, 2008

Chickens of Fire

Since I'm currently sans poule, I've been looking at chicken videos on YouTube—and happened to find this:



Just the laugh you needed after 48+ hours with the in-laws!

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Thursday, December 25, 2008

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2008!

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2008, EVERYONE!

Hope you're having a safe and fun day, whether you're celebrating Christmas, another holiday, or none at all. Pixie, Guy, and I are headed over to Mom & Steve's for food and a few gifts. But mostly for the food and the goofing around. There is Crown Royal and eggnog to be had.


Meanwhile, the HKC kittehs are having leftover scrambled eggs for a Christmas treat, and they're very happy about it.



Even Martha Ann, who's usually disappointed in everything and everyone, finds it hard to frown and sigh this morning.

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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Angels among us

Sunday afternoon, I was driving to Division II University, my mind occupied with finishing up my grading once I got to the office. As I sat in the truck at the last traffic light before I got to the campus entrance, the heater blasting onto my feet and the radio blaring, I looked over at the corner. Usually, a homeless person is standing at this corner, sign in hand. But this time there was no one there—in the low 30s with a brisk wind blowing, it was just too cold for people to be outdoors.

Suddenly, a flash of bright colors caught my eye. Crossing in front of me were a middle-aged black woman and a young black man, maybe in his teens. They were talking and laughing, really into their conversation with each other, and they were dressed like today was Carnival: the lady's sweater/skirt outfit was bright gold, red, and purple, and the young man's pants were blue jeans decorated with what looked like fabric paint and plastic jewels. They each wore a couple long scarves of many different colors of yarn, and the woman's dreadlocks were wrapped up in a headscarf of glorious purple and metallic gold. I'm glad someone can be happy in this cold-ass weather, I thought. Man, I hope they're on their way home. Nobody should be out in this.

The young man looked at the long rows of cars stopped at the traffic light, then looked at the woman and smiled. She began to sit down, and removed a big piece of folded cardboard from inside her winter coat. Oh, no, I thought. They're homeless.

But as the woman and young man sat down, their faces broke out again into huge smiles, and I read their signs, cardboard and poster-board brightly hand-lettered with crayons, paint, and Magic Marker:

Will Work for Christ!
Jesus Loves You, and So Do We!

The light turned green, and I heard the engine of the car behind me rev, as if to tell me to move. But I couldn't seem to press that long skinny pedal for the love and compassion I felt sweeping through me.

The message was out of love—not proselytizing, not beating people over the head with the message, as is so common in this part of the country. The messengers were glad to be there, all smiles.

I honked the horn loudly, and smiled and waved to the woman and young man, and drove off on my way, my heart full of gladness.

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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

E&P will return shortly

I'm spending much of the next couple of days cleaning the Happy Kitten Cottage, in anticipation of my sister's visit. She and Guy will be here Wednesday afternoon, and the HKC is a fucking wreck. I borrowed Mom's Shark steamer and the Little Green Machine carpet shampooer to try and make a little headway. The biggest cleaning tasks will be the bathroom and kitchen. Better go find my hazmat suit.

The good news? Fall Semester is OVER! For the first time in my 11-year teaching career, I turned in grades early. They were due by 1pm yesterday; I posted them at 8:30pm the night before. Ha!

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Monday, December 22, 2008

Myrtle Mae Monday: 12/22/08

Here are a few photos of Myrtle at night—standing, grooming, sleeping, glaring at me with one evil-looking dinosaur eye. I took these in late June 2008, when the weather was really nice and Myrtle refused to go in her chicken coop. I guess she wanted to stay outside on the rail where she could keep an eye on the neighborhood possums.










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Sunday, December 21, 2008

There's a reason why we call it the Happy Kitten Cottage

New reader CatFan posted the following comment on a recent Myrtle Mae Monday entry:

Hello,
These pictures and videos are so heartbreaking! You're only feeding that chicken. The poor hungry cats seem like they haven't ever been fed by anyone. They keep trying to eat complete non-cat food that is tossed to the chicken - deadly french fries, indigestible pumpkin seeds, some dry crumbs, etc. Will there be at least one video where cats are actually fed? Seems like poor things have to hunt for their own mice. Why so much glory to the chicken while cats are starving? Please, please, please, for all the cat fans in the world - feed poor kitties at least once, and take a video as proof.


Well CatFan, you're in luck. Here's a video of feeding time for the outdoor cats here at my house, the Happy Kitten Cottage. I have 22 cats total—strays I've rescued from around Small Town, or older cats with health problems that nobody else wanted. So the kitties get plenty of regular cat food. Just check back through all the cat-loving posts. You'll see!



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Saturday, December 20, 2008

Another KittehWatch averted!

Emmylou and Dolly are home from the vet, and BOY, are they pissed.



For newer readers, here's the post that started KittehWatch posts back in April 2008. All of Stripe's kittehs have found good homes.

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Friday, December 19, 2008

Student Essay Insanity #56!

Well, folks, this is it—our final Student Essay Insanity of 2008. I can feel your collective sense of relief from here.

For a change, these SEI bloopers aren't from the Georgia Regents' Essay Exam. Instead, they're from my own Comp I students' papers—and boy, there are some juicy ones in here! The topics deal with a number of different pop-culture issues: young people's love of horror films, sexism and racism in music videos, and the ways in which advertising manipulates our emotions. Most 18-year-olds have never had to think in very specific terms about these things—things that permeate their lives without their even really being aware of it—and their answers are more often than not unsure and befuddled. 2009 will no doubt bring us more terribly-wonderfully awful essay bloopers. Stay tuned!

Each blooper is from a different student and a different essay. I'll leave it up to you readers to make the snarky comments. Heh.

Real students, real essays, real bloopers...I shit you not.

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--It is learned in that Carrie has telekinetic powers, which she demonstrates throughout the movie. But the pinnacle of her power usage occurs on porn night.

--I don't think I'm mentally ill but I know I do have problems and I use horror films as an escape from reality. Since the horrors films are become reality, it's hard to find a happy median.

--When it comes to advertising, corporations have it down packed.

--Lust is good! Sex is better! You just can't live without it!


--[In the movie Saw,] One hostage is a woman who is a heroine addict.

--Then there is that twenty percent, where some people can't stand the site of seeing someone hurt. They pry and try to help or save the person in an endangered estate.

--Women are still do as expected to be the sex relief for men and that they must succumb to the desires of men to be successful rather than be true and innocent to themselves.

--I am a very rear individual.

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Myrtle Mae Monday: In Memory of One Bad-Ass Bird

N.B.: Myrtle Mae Monday will continue as long as my pictures and silly stories hold out. Yes, I will get more chickens—as soon as Mom and I get a sturdy, safe new coop built. And it will all be chronicled here on E&P.

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I'll never forget the day Myrtle Mae came to live with me at the Happy Kitten Cottage.


What followed were two-and-a-half years of badassed poultryness, intimidation of kittehs, and my greater appreciation for the humble domestic chicken. Chickens are such everyday animals, so commonplace, but we rarely stop to really think about them—or consider them potential pets. That's the reasoning my sister gives for why she's loved Myrtle Mae as she has. Sounds good to me.


Myrtle laid an egg in the pet carrier on the way home from my student's house. She continued to lay eggs (and eat many of them, but that's a story for another time) up until just a few months ago.



I loved how I could walk outside in the spring and summer to find her searching and scratching around in the flowerbeds, looking for grubs and slugs amidst the foxgloves, ferns, and cardinal flowers.



Myrtle didn't seem to care much about privacy. She knew she had a lot of fans, and she liked it.



Maybe that's why she staged her Great Escape when she did.



I will miss having her eat berries (or cornbread, or raisins, or cat food, or worms) out of my hand. It felt so good to be that connected to a farm animal—that this humble little bird would eat out of my hand and trust that I wouldn't wring her neck while she was doing so.

Several months ago, I was out in the back yard piddling around, Myrtle following close behind, when suddenly a hawk's sharp, piercing cry rang out from far above the HKC. I looked up to see him circling the neighborhood, and I looked down and around for Myrtle. All I saw were chicken-butt feathers making a beeline for the safety of the heavily-wooded area around the big oak tree.

Chickens seem to have a strong sense of when they might be killed—that this moment may be their last. Myrtle taught me to live in the here and now, to savor the fresh air and sunshine of this very moment, because it's all we really have.



I will miss seeing her drink from the kittehs' bowl. She loved fresh water, and lived for when I'd come out the back door with a jug or Brita pitcher in my hand. The way she'd scoop up water with her beak and then glug-glug-glug it down, tilting her head down, then up, down, then up, was so endearing.

She refused to take any crap from the kittehs, no matter their size. That's why so many E&P readers—and I—enjoyed seeing her interact with them. It's a rare creature that can intimidate a cat (excepting dogs and other predators), and her bossing the HKC felines around reminded me that, really, I'm the only person in charge of ME.



She would always come running when she heard my truck pull into the driveway, or when she heard me open the back gate and call for her, or when she heard the back door open.

I will sorely, sorely miss that expectant, almost happy, little feathered face.



Even in slumber, Myrtle was hilarious.



And photogenic.



Her take-each-day-as-it-comes, take-no-shit-from-kittehs attitude is one we would all do well to cultivate.



And now that she's on the other side, Myrtle certainly won't be taking any shit from this old son-of-a-bitch, either.

Rest in peace, my fierce red-feathered girl. I love you, and I'll see you on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

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Monday, December 15, 2008

Myrtle Mae Monday: 12/15/08

I am so sorry to tell everyone this, but Myrtle Mae has disappeared, and I'm afraid she's crossed the Rainbow Bridge. She went missing Thursday night from a fenced and latched back yard, and the only traces of her I've found are two big piles of feathers and a little blood.

I'm pretty sad about losing my fierce red-feathered girl, and am just not making much sense right now. I'll post something better when I get myself together.

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Saturday, December 13, 2008

Random Student Note #2

Click on the picture to better read the text.




Found in front of the D2U library on Tuesday morning—a random blurb from out of an unknown student's life.

I posted a couple of years ago on another random student note, and as soon as I find it I'll link back to it.

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Friday, December 12, 2008

Feeding time at the Happy Kitten Cottage



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Thursday, December 11, 2008

eBay is strange

I'm new to selling things on eBay, and am quickly finding out that it's a strange—and often fickle—creature. Some things I've sold have ZOOM! gotten bids right away—even the most mundane and silly things, like an old stapler. Other things that I'd thought were super-desireable are still languishing in the "eBay sales" drawer of my dresser.

My solution so far is to relist the items that don't sell, and sometimes take a week or so break before re-listing some of these slow-to-move items. Now I know a little of what it's like to be a store. In a recession. At the holidays.

Here are a few more pictures of the crazy things I'm selling on eBay. Things that have already sold are in this post.










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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I feel a response video coming on.



I Can Has Cheezburger? featured this video yesterday evening, and I almost wet my pants laughing. I think Joy needs some broccoli, don't you?

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Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Student Essay Insanity #55!

Last month, I posted some of the writing prompts that appeared on this semester's Georgia Regents' Exam. Longtime E&P reader Charlotte commented, "I am so looking forward to the outrageousness and blunders that will result from this exam." Outrageousness and blunders, indeed! Ohh, folks, the awfulness is thick in this batch. I'll have enough material to keep going through April, at least.

As usual, the essay prompts are in bold type, and the students' bloopers are in plain type. And as always, they're real essays, written by real students...really badly. (Ha! I finally got it right!) I shit you not.

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Do you long for the past, or look eagerly toward the future? Explain.
The knowledge that people was not a danger and would not hurt me, and food was not either.

Why has radio remained popular in the age of television? Explain.
For example, I like to play classical while studing to help calm the nervous system and to stimulate my mind. …Radio’s are a lot cheeper than televisions, plus provide the same affect.

It is said that the United States has the highest crime rate of any country that keeps accurate records. What, in your opinion, are some of the resons for the unusually high crime rate of the United States? Discuss.
Over the past few decades, crimes in the world are part of every-day life.

Do you think you have the qualifications of a good parent? Discuss.
Last reason why I believe that I am qualified to be a good parent is because I have a passion for kids.

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Monday, December 08, 2008

Myrtle Mae Monday: 12/8/08

It's been too damn cold lately to get outside with the video camera, and of course I'm still in the seventh concentric ring of Hell, also know as EPIC FAIL Week, or The End of the Semester. So I give you a few pix of Myrtle Mae and the kittehs from this early October post, which longtime E&P reader Xtine called the "BEST. MYRTLE. MAE. MONDAY. EVER."






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Saturday, December 06, 2008

Hindsight isn't worth a damn

The summer I was 15, my dad was working on a project near Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. While my sister and I were there for our summer visit—the wonderful thing about having a golf-course contractor dad is that we got to go to the most awesome places for vacations—Daddy started taking us around the Grand Strand to look at cars. Cars for my 16th birthday.

In then-tiny Socastee, South Carolina, Daddy stumbled upon a 1973 Mercedes Sedan, a lot like this one, except it was a buttery yellow color with a tan interior, 5-speed, with the much-vaunted 5-cylinder Mercedes diesel engine.


"How'd you feel about a Mercedes?" my dad asked. He was concerned with reliability and economy, and the used car lot was only asking $2500 for this car.

I thought for a minute. "Well...it's nice...but I don't want all my friends to think I'm stuck-up."

20/20, my ass. Hindsight is SO not worth a damn.

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Thursday, December 04, 2008

Miss Kitty will return shortly

And let that Clarky back indoors!

This is Division II University's next-to-last week of class. I'm grading papers like mad, doing end-of-semester things, and have little to no time to blog—but will get right back to it as soon as the storm has passed.

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Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Pictures from Thanksgiving 2008 (Part 1)

There are so many awesome pictures from this year's Thanksgiving celebrations that I had to split them up into more than one post. It'll take at least two, maybe even three, separate posts to capture all the fun.

My homemade buttermilk cornbread, fresh out of the oven and ready to go into this year's dressing—which turned out dry yet again. [sigh]



This is what Thankgiving's all about, folks—my family's first egg-nog-and-liquor of the holiday season. Wooo-hooo, liquid Thanksgiving Dinner!


The holiday spirit visited Mom & Steve early, and it wasn't just the 'nog & Crown.

MOM: I can honestly say that I've never thought about punting Seeben to the curb.
ME: Awww, that's sweet.
MOM: Thought a few times about killing him. But not about punting him to the curb.

Of course, the love didn't last long. Seeben started pointing out that Mom was wearing "old man pants."

SEEBEN: Ya mama's pants come up under her armpits!
ME: Hahahahahaaaa! Mom, what's wrong with your pants?
MOM: [to Seeben] They ARE old man pants! They were your Daddy's!

Longtime E&P readers know that Mom has long suffered with two ruptured discs in her back. She's never had surgery for them—everyone she's ever known who's had back surgery has come out of it more fucked up than when they went in—and she's managed her bad back through massage, yoga, exercise, and the occasional painkiller or twothreetwelve. Mom very rarely wears pants, or jeans with a definite waistband; most pants' waists rub right across those two discs and make her sciatica act up again. Most of the time she wears overalls, dresses, or pants with big waistbands. Like these khakis from Steve's late father.

"See? See? They ARE old man pants!"

You notice what Mom's shirt says, too.


SEEBEN: Goddamighty! It's an old man ass, too!
MOM: You are NOT gettin' any tonight!
ME: [fingers in ears] La-la-la-la-laaaaaaa! I can't hear yoooouuuuu!!!


We ate around 7pm; it's become a family tradition that we eat late, and therefore have all day to prepare the meal, snack on the season's first holiday foods, get a little drunk, and then mosey on over to the home of whoever's hosting this year's gathering. Seeben, of course, gets the honor of carving the turkey.


Can you say WANT?


WANT.

EPIC WANT.

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Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Student Essay Insanity #54!

I waited until after Thanksgiving to post this new installment of Student Essay Insanity. The way I figured it, most (if not all) of you were out of town and not reading E&P during the holiday. And why post the utter suffering, the despair, the horror of these essays while you were already dealing with the suffering, the despair, the horror of your in-laws?

You're welcome.

These jewels are from the Fall 2008 Georgia Regents' Exam. I ended up rating about 350 essays, and Jeezus Gawd, some of them were bad. The essay prompts are in bold type, the bloopers are in plain type. And as always, these are from real essays, written by real students. And they're real(ly) bad. I shit you not.

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Discuss what you do or do not like about the South.
South is the place where I live in. I will never move here, since I like South the most.

If you had to choose a few words to describe yourself, which words would you choose and why? Explain.
If I had to choose a few workds to describe myself, what words would I choose? I know myself more than anyone else so, I think I would choose playful and outgoing. This are the few words that describe me. Now here are some reason why I would choose this words to describe me.

Each year, many teenagers run away from home. What do you think are the chief causes?
For some time now teenagers running away from home have played a role in our society.

Is college a good place to find out who you really are?
College is the most influential time on any undergraduate depending on how one approaches it. College is a very fun, demanding, and time consuming atmosphere that may have a lifelong impact on oneself depending on what one gets involved in.

What are the advantages/disadvantages of being single? Discuss.
Being single is not always a bad thing. I myself have been single my whole and have enjoyed advantages of it. As well as disadvantages that go along with it. The two advantages that I have enjoyed the most are total freedom and only having myself to answer to. The draw back is that I feel and are alone most of the time.

Which qualities or characteristics of childhood should we strive to preserve throughout our lives? Discuss.
Student wrote in brainstorming/scratch area: respect, honesty, morales, integrity, child.

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Monday, December 01, 2008

Myrtle Mae Monday: 12/1/08

Myrtle Mae sure does love her some chopped pork BBQ.






Don't despair—a new Myrtle Mae Monday video will be up next week!

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